Flying The Nest; When Your Teenager Goes to University
In just under three weeks, my eldest daughter will be heading off to university. I’m trying not to dwell too much on the emotions that come with this milestone, though I know it’s common to feel a sense of sadness and loss when teenagers leave home. My friend Kathy, who sent her three teenagers off to university within two years, struggled deeply with the transition. She had chosen to dedicate her life to raising her family and loved every moment of it - even the early morning gymnastics runs. When her children left, she said it felt like being made redundant when she really wanted to continue working - and she was devastated.
Although I stepped away from my role as a Merchandise Manager at Laura Ashley Home to spend more time with my daughter, I’ve always kept busy with work, often during the late hours when she was asleep. Right now, I’m incredibly busy building MadeKind, which feels like a third child, and renovating a house. This leaves me little time to dwell on any sadness.
But more importantly, I don’t see this as a sad occasion. It’s an exciting new chapter for her—an opportunity to make new friends, try new things, live in a new place, and earn a degree! She’s already an incredible young woman. In the past two years alone, she’s run the London Marathon with a stress fracture in her tibia, completed a 70K marathon in the Vietnamese jungle at night, developed her own vintage designer clothing business, and gained amazing work experience with Holly & Co. We’re eager to see what she’ll accomplish next.
I also feel fortunate that she chose to take two Gap Years, giving us a couple of extra years with her at home. While it hasn’t always been smooth sailing—she is a teenager, after all—I’ve always been aware that our time together is finite and have tried to cherish it.
I remember when I worked at Not On The High Street, Sophie Cornish told me that while you think you have your children until they’re 18, in reality, you only have them until they’re 12. Once they start secondary school, their friends become their priority. There’s truth in that, as confirmed by a study by Daniel Abrams, a neuroscientist at Stanford University School of Medicine, (Journal of Neuroscience, 28.4.22) . The study showed that children under 12 have an intense neural response to their mother’s voice, activating reward and emotion-processing centers in their brains. However, around age 13, this changes, and unfamiliar voices become more rewarding, which is an essential part of puberty as children develop independence and expand their social circles.
I find comfort in knowing that my best friend’s three young adult children, after attending university, now live at home or close by. I hope I’ve done my part as a mother to make my daughter feel confident enough to seize every opportunity at university, knowing she has a home to return to. It reminds me of the Dalai Lama’s quote: “Give the ones you love wings to fly, roots to come back, and reasons to stay.”
As we prepare for her departure, beyond the endless list of essentials like saucepans, bath mats, potato peelers, and extension leads, I’m putting together a special gift box to remind her of home and add a touch of luxury to her life. Naturally, I’ll include our MadeKind hand wash and body wash as well as MadeKind eco-friendly cleaning products, those will definitely remind her of home. I’ve also picked up some of her favourite Ombar chocolate, Chimi Love sauce (to add a bit of South American flavour to student cooking) and a pair of The Small Home slippers so far.